


In My Time of Dying

by BabyGenius



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Alex (Julie and the Phantoms) Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 9, Episode 9: Stand Tall, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I take no responsibilities for tears messing up make up, Luke Patterson (Julie and the Phantoms) has PTSD, Luke Patterson Hurt/Comfort, Near Death, Non-Explicit Vomiting, Pre-Series, Reggie (Julie and the Phantoms) Hurt/Comfort, There’s happy parts too though!!!, You might cry but I have no remorse, description of death, stand tall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:19:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabyGenius/pseuds/BabyGenius
Summary: Alex sat down gingerly, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. Luke laid back, his head encountering an unseen floor as he closed his eyes. He immediately snapped them open, though, when all he could see was the scene in the ambulance replaying in blurry but vivid detail. Reggie had sat down next to him, and Luke offered him a sad smile.Time passed so slowly, but so fast. Luke had never really had a good handle on judging the passage of time. He would think it had been minutes but it would have been hours, or think it had been hours but it had been minutes. Alex was still sniffling, sitting at Luke’s feet, and Luke nudged him with his foot, but it didn’t do anything.
Relationships: Alex & Julia Molina & Luke Patterson & Reggie, Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 218





	In My Time of Dying

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody! I love, love, love all of the fluffy stuff, but I really wanted some more h/c stuff, especially with Luke, and there isn’t much. So, even though writing it doesn’t have the same effect as reading it, I figured those of you who also wanted it would appreciate this. 
> 
> Alright, so, TRIGGER WARNINGS, because this fic definitely needs them:  
> Somewhat explicit but mostly non-explicit description of death  
> Somewhat explicit description of vomiting, but I tried to glance past that a little  
> And Luke has PTSD
> 
> Now, I have PTSD too, but I bet he and I would have different types because mine doesn’t come from almost dying, so take this with a grain of salt. 
> 
> Also, if you want more angst, I’ve published the first chapter in my multichap and it is going to have plenty of it. The first chapter is a bit short because it works primarily as a prologue, but it updates once a week so go check it out!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy!

Luke made jokes about it just like the other two, in an attempt to forget about the whole experience. He remembered the order, the faces of the paramedics drawn tight with concern, and he remembered every individual sensation and feeling of every second.

Some might say it’s unnatural to remember that much, some might say it’s perfectly natural. Sure, he forgot the little details, like what exactly the paramedics were saying, or what color eyes the woman had as she leaned over him and tried to get him to breathe, _dammit_.

It couldn’t be that weird to remember everything, though, because it had only been a few weeks, to him, since he’d experienced dying, despite twenty five years passing in reality.

He could picture it clearly in his brain.

Reggie had been the first to go. The baby—and oh how he had resented that playful title—of the group. Luke and Alex couldn’t help feeling like it was their job to take care of him, the boy that was terrified of being alone, whose breath caught when people raised their voices.

Luke and Alex had promised not only to take care of each other, but to take care of Reggie too. They had included Bobby, too, but he had been distancing himself lately. Sure, he was still a great friend and they still loved him, but Bobby had started to try and seem cool and grown up, and it put a small wedge in his relationship with the rest of the band.

Reggie had gone first. His quiet, barely there whimpers, the volume trained out of him by his parents for years, suddenly ceasing. The paramedic had yelled something and immediately begun compressions and the breathing bag, but all it did was make a stiff chest rise unnaturally and cause the loud _crack_ of ribs breaking. Luke tried to make himself watch, he did, but he was in so much pain that his eyes closed of their own accord, and when he opened them he saw Alex’s chest stuttering quickly, barely drawing in breath as the drummer looked at Reggie’s corpse.

Alex and Luke met eyes, panic reflected back to each other. They broke eye contact when Luke curled up, a sharp stab of agony beginning in his gut and spreading like wildfire to the rest of his torso, his legs numb. When he looked back up, it was to the last rise and fall of Alex’s chest, his eyes half-lidded and his fingers brushing Luke’s own.

A buzzing began in Luke’s ears, then, drowning out the paramedics, though he hadn’t been paying attention to them in the first place. A stray thought crossed his mind, that he would never get to go show his mom how successful he would become. That he would never stand in front of the house, Reggie, Alex, and maybe even Bobby there as support and helping him gather the courage to go inside and confront her.

To say _I’m sorry_.

_If you could only know..._

_I_ never _let you go..._

Bile rose in his throat, then, as his arms went tingly and his ears felt like they needed to burst, ringing distantly like what happened after a loud show. He choked for a second before being rolled on his side, but he was too weak to finish bringing it up.

The lights dimmed, the sirens screeching as though from miles away and the voices of the paramedics a distant, panicked buzz, like bees. Luke didn’t mind bees, actually. Though his mom was allergic, so he held a healthy respect for them.

The pain was more distant now, which was a relief. He could join his family soon, and wait for his mom (hopefully he’d done enough good with his life that he would end up where she surely would, though he had never been particularly religious) and dad.

He hoped she didn’t feel guilty. That would be horrible.

He had a distant thought about maybe looking down on her from above, but his brain fuzzed out before it could clearly form. The world blurred and then went dark, and next thing Luke knew he could see his own body.

The pain was…

The pain was _gone_.

Oh thank _God_.

He looked around frantically, his bandmates’ names coming out in choked sobs. “A—Alex? Reg? Dudes, where are you?” He backed up against the wall of the ambulance, giving a startled yelp when he fell through it, the last thing he could see was his body lurching up and down as the paramedic performed compressions on him.

He landed on the concrete, barely feeling the impact of the cement as he watched after the ambulance. He briefly phased through the road before managing to stand completely on it again, casting his gaze around in a panic. “Guys? Dudes please! Where are you guys?” He spun in circles, ignoring the car screeching toward him until it was right on top of him and oh god oh god he wasn’t prepared to die _again_ he—it passed straight through him.

Well.

That’s a perk, he guessed?

“Alex, Reggie!” Luke cried, looking around.

“Luke!” Luke’s heart would have beat out of his chest if he still had one, the sound of Alex’s voice sending tingles down his spine he was so relieved. Luke turned around, his eyes shining wetly and his face hopeful. Alex was sprinting toward him. He couldn’t see Reggie around anywhere, and began to panic as he felt himself float off of the street.

He looked over to see Alex doing the same, the panic that had been etched across his face in death mimicked here as he looked down at the ground that was getting further away and scrabbled, somehow losing his balance.

“Where’s Reggie?” Alex breathed, finally close enough that he could interact with Luke as they continued to be pulled up. Alex looked behind himself, just in time to not notice Reggie wobbling behind Luke from somewhere further away.

“You guys made it!” Reggie yelled, sniffling and pulling them both into hugs.

Luke shrieked in surprise, but allowed the hug. He looked around, the sky growing steadily darker and unclear, not even lit with stars, and the lights of the City of Angels seeming to vanish. Luke walked forward, still not quite accustomed to be unable to see what he was walking on. He kept walking several feet before bumping into something with his forehead and nose, causing them both to smart and his eyes to water reflexively. He put his hand out, feeling the barrier, and followed the feeling until he had made a rough square.

Reggie gaped, having seen what had happened and what Luke was doing. “What, so that’s it? We die and go to a dark room where we’ll be tortured by total boredom?” He pouted, kicking at nothing. “Man, this sucks.”

Alex sniffled, tears falling down his face. Luke and Reggie shared panicked glances. However amazingly close the band was with each other, only Alex really knew how to handle crying.

But when it was _Alex_ crying?

They had no clue what the hell to do with crying people.

Luke approached hesitantly, his voice soft as he tried to ignore what had just happened so he could focus on Alex. “Hey, you okay, bro?”

Alex shook his head, plopping onto whatever constituted as the ground in this place and drawing his knees up close. “We’re—we _died_. I can’t believe…?” His breathing, or the motions of it at least, began to come faster and faster, and even though he wasn’t in danger of hyperventilating, it still didn’t seem very healthy.

Luke put his hand on Alex’s, patting out a slow, rhythmic beat with his fingers that the drummer could follow. “C’mon, Alex, focus on me. That’s it. Focus on the timing.”

Alex trained his eyes on Luke, his chest still moving quickly, but the furrow in his brow evened out. Reggie added his own hand to Alex’s shoulder, moving his thumb back and forth with the same beat a metronome would have. Alex had always been good with finding the beat in things and using it to focus, stopping the spirals that would and could happen. His chest slowed down and eventually stopped, but he ignored it. Ignored the fact that he couldn’t—didn’t _have_ to—breathe anymore.

Luke smiled softly. “There ya go. You back with us?”

Alex nodded, clearing his throat. His eyes were still streaming with tears, but he made sure to look at both of his bandmates.

Luke sat down and groaned. “Never have I heard of _any_ of the afterlives just being a black room. This is gonna get so boring _so_ fast.”

Alex sat down gingerly, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. Luke laid back, his head encountering an unseen floor as he closed his eyes. He immediately snapped them open, though, when all he could see was the scene in the ambulance replaying in blurry but vivid detail. Reggie had sat down next to him, and Luke offered him a sad smile.

Time passed so slowly, but so fast. Luke has never really had a good handle on judging the passage of time. He would think it had been minutes but it would have been hours, or think it had been hours but it had been minutes. Alex was still sniffling, sitting at Luke’s feet, and Luke nudged him with his foot, but it didn’t do anything.

“Hey,” Reggie broached quietly. “Do you guys feel that?”

Luke furrowed his brows, about to ask ‘Feel what?’, but then he realized what Reggie was talking about. A tugging in his gut. Not like when he had died, but more of an uncomfortable pull toward the floor.

“Yeah, I feel it too,” Alex said, his voice quiet but concerned. The feeling became more insistent the longer it went on.

Reggie let out a yelp, and Luke felt a moment of utter panic when he looked over to see Reggie dipping lower. A look at Alex showed the drummer doing the same, and Luke quickly followed, the ground suddenly dropping out from under them. Luke wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t yell, because he definitely did, and now his only thoughts were that it wasn’t enough to stick them in a dark room where the only thing they could see was each other, but now they were falling? How long? What was at the bottom? Were they going to Hell?

So it turned out that they weren’t going to Hell, just 25 years in the future. That was fine. It was all fine. Learning about what had happened to the world and all the advancements, as well as getting to know Julie helped prevent those memories that Luke was just…unable to push aside, no matter how hard he tried to.

Of course, it wasn’t on his mind all the time, but there were moments, completely random, where the ambulance would just pop into his mind. The cacophony of the sirens, the panic in his bandmates’ eyes. His attention would be drawn from the memory, though, when Julie would ask him what was wrong? Was he okay? Or Alex would clear his throat, causing Luke’s attention to snap back.

He just smiled and said yes, and got back to whatever it was they had been doing beforehand. Whether it was writing a song with Julie, or in the middle of throwing acorns at the boys. He pretended nothing had happened as he pointed out a word that would work better, or picked up an acorn with a grin and watched it sail clean through Reggie’s nose.

Then they went to Caleb’s club, and soon after the jolts started. If Luke had had a heart, it would have stopped with dread when the first one struck. Reggie summed it up pretty well; it felt like dying all over again.

They ignored it, though, until Willie told them why. And Luke _wanted_ to be mad at Willie, to be mad for bringing them to this, but Alex was the one Willie had really hurt, so if Alex could forgive him then Luke could work on it too. Besides, it’s not like Willie had much of a choice after all, so the blame couldn’t be placed completely on him.

They managed to successfully keep it from Julie until after her visit to his parents. He was getting ready to tell her, but then the electric stabbing at his gut happened. It twisted his insides, causing him to bend around himself and sending Luke into the column behind him. He looked up at Julie, whose face betrayed her panic and concern.

It grew confused and angry—sad—but not at him, when he told her of what was happening and she realized that no matter what, she was going to lose them, _him_ , just as she got used to having them in her life. As she truly became one of the band, and now they were leaving her, however unwillingly. He wanted to follow after her when she stormed into the house, but realized this was one of those moments where it was better to leave her alone. She was probably texting Flynn anyway.

The jolts were somehow so much better and so much worse when Caleb forced them to his club the night of the Orpheum performance. Better, because they were where Caleb wanted them to be. Worse, because they were resisting it as hard as they could, and it was like Caleb was showing them what they would have to deal with if they continued to refuse him. His throat was tight, the restricting collar feeling like it choked and the tight sleeves making it feel like he was restricting his movement. His freedom.

Luke struggled the entire time Caleb was on stage, but no matter how hard he fought, he eventually followed Alex and Reggie, though he didn’t poof onto stage like the others. He pulled back, was pushed forward, pulled back a few more steps, but was tugged toward Caleb’s side.

He looked at Reggie, his mind stuttering when he saw the look on the bassist’s face. He was scared, just like the night they had—his lips were pursed and his movements unnatural and jerky. He wasn’t bouncing or bopping with the music like he usually did, and Luke found himself growing angry as he turned his gaze to Alex.

Alex looked numb. His drumming was detached, none of the fierce passion he usually had when banging away at them, like he could slam out all of the pent up anxiety he lived with everyday, losing himself in the beat. This wasn’t why they did music, Luke thought.

No, they did it to connect with people, to let themselves go and connect and work through what was going on inside them. This wasn’t where they were meant to be, however much Caleb tried to make it so.

He made eye contact with Reggie and Alex when they began to hear the distant sounds of a piano. Reggie didn’t look afraid anymore, occasionally shifting into the chords they had practiced for Stand Tall. Alex was quick to follow, alternating the beat to match what they had practiced earlier. They were small touches, but the sound of Julie’s voice became a little bit closer when Luke managed to play a chord that didn’t match with Caleb’s song. It was still so far away from him though, like it was being played from a few blocks away.

As he looked, though, Alex smirked at him and vanished, the crowd gasping. Luke smiled to himself when Reggie nodded at him and did the same. Caleb’s face grew stormy as Luke tried, _fought_ , to break his hold like the others had. It was harder, though. Caleb ordered the curtains closed, whirling on Luke with a fierce scowl. He made a fist and Luke collapsed, his core twisting and stabbing, just like when he had died. He couldn’t do this, not again.

But Reggie and Alex had made it out, and that’s what mattered. He craned his ears, trying to hear Julie, picking up her singing the song, _their_ song. His fingers moved on his guitar as he tried to find the right chords, managing to appear on stage for a brief second before he was back to Caleb’s club, twisting on the floor and feeling like that night in the ambulance.

He grit his teeth. He could do this. He _had_ to do this. For Julie. He couldn’t leave her high and dry again, not like this, not when he _promised_.

He met Caleb’s eyes, standing up slowly as though something were pressing down on him and fingering the chords to the song. He phased back into the Orpheum, meeting Julie’s eyes with a pleading look on his face, trying to just _go_ to her, but he was yanked back to the club, Reggie’s worried face looking after him.

He growled, reaching into himself and _pulling_ against the force of Caleb, the pain of dying again. With a bright smirk, he looked at the man and poofed out for the last time, joining into his part with a wide smile as he met the eyes of Julie and the guys. They all smiled at him in relief, jumping into the performance with a new energy. </p<

He didn’t feel a single pull when performing, but at the end he shared a look with the boys and realized nothing was happening. A single glance between them communicated what they knew they had to do, and they poofed out after sweeping into a bow, appearing on top of the marquees outside the Orpheum.

“So.” Luke grimaced as one of the more minor jolts shot through his body. He looked at them.

“Yeah,” Reggie sighed.

“Where do we go from here?” Luke asked. The jolts were getting closer together and more painful, and Luke’s arms were starting to tingle just like that night 25 years ago.

Reggie shrugged. “Back to the studio, I guess? Turn the lights out so Julie doesn’t see us.”

Luke nodded. “Make her think we passed over. Yeah.”

Alex shook his head, moaning when the fire spreading through his body forced him to bend over. “She’ll come into the studio and see us.”

“Nah, she’ll just go to bed.” Luke knew, deep down, it probably wasn’t true when he said it, but it’s not like they had anywhere else to go. All together, they _poof_ ed into the studio. Luke’s legs collapsed out from underneath them, the feeling in them dimming to a background feedback just like that night. Reggie reached out to support him, but a jolt struck and Luke’s form flickered, Reggie’s hand going clean through him.

Alex and Reggie shared a panicked look. Reggie tried to sit, but wound up on his back in a heap, Alex joining soon after. They tried to hold onto each other, to stay together even with this, but they kept falling through each other. Luke coughed, groaning as a pulse of electric fire seemed to steal his breath and caused his body to seize up. His hand floundered, looking for Alex and Reggie.

The door slid open and the boys froze, doing their best to stay silent as Julie spoke to them without knowing. Their plan to be destroyed in silence was ruined by Reggie’s brief forgetfulness and murmur of, “You’re welcome.”

“ _Dude_ ,” Luke groaned, Alex echoing him. The lights flickered on, stabbing their eyes and piercing Luke’s skull. Julie’s confused voice was clear to him as she asked them what had happened, but it wasn’t long before another jolt struck through him, this one painful enough that he couldn’t help but cry out, Alex yelping and Reggie letting out a pained sob. Luke sat up, forcing his legs and body to focus as he met Julie’s eyes.

Unlike the voices of the paramedics, Julie’s voice was clear when she spoke, when she shakily asked what they were doing here and Luke told her they had nowhere to go. Alex, the only one who had been able to get to his feet, made a passing comment, interrupted before finishing by a jolt that almost sent him back to the ground. Julie pleaded with them to go back to Caleb, but they couldn’t do it, not _him_ , not when it would be like he had showed them early. Devoid of life, of _meaning_.

Luke forced himself to stand up and walk over to Julie, his eyes wet and red and his body shaking as minor jolts ran through him without pause. He met her eyes. “No music is worth making, Julie, if it’s not with you.” Luke offered a tearful, soft smile. “No regrets,” he swore.

He wasn’t prepared to stagger slightly back when Julie connected with him in a fierce hug. He wrapped his arms around her before realizing that they were—they were actually touching how was this possible? The agony that had been haunting him since Caleb’s club vanished, a sudden warmth starting where his heart would be and spreading through his body, the pain being pushed away by the warmth.

Luke took Julie’s face in his hands as she did the same. He made a comment about not feeling as weak, not feeling like his legs would vanish from under him or like his arms wouldn’t obey his commands, and Julie beckoned Alex and Reggie to her, pulling them into a hug as well. This time, Luke saw how their bodies glowed with a warm light.

His wrist stung, and he leaned out of the hug briefly with the other two just in time to see the purple stamp, the brand tying them down, rise off their wrists and vanish into the air. He dimly heard someone ask what this meant as he met Julie’s eyes with a hopeful smile twisting his lips.

“The band’s back.” He grinned as they all pulled each other into a hug again, bouncing up and down as the realization that they were free crashed around them, as the realization that Oh my God they had played the _Orpheum_ finally sunk in. He could get used to this, could get used to touching Julie like this and being able to give and receive touch from her now.

He may always be able to remember what it was like to die, to watch as his friends lost their souls right before him and it was only him left alone, but this? This made the memory not as bad when he realized that yeah, he had to deal with that, but the outcome? The outcome was _so_ worth it, and he wouldn’t trade it even if it meant he didn’t have to live with that memory.

No, he wouldn’t trade it one bit.

**Author's Note:**

> So how was it? I know my betas said that it made them cry, so I am prepared for the many comments that will say that is what I did. I wish I could say I was sorry, but I can’t because making people cry was my intention, so I can’t really feel bad about that. 
> 
> I do apologize for any messed up make up though.
> 
> Anyway, drop a comment, drop a kudos, bookmark it! Just let me know you liked/appreciated it somehow, please 🥺🤔
> 
> This is the fourth story I’ve published for jatp, and the other most recently published is going to be a multichap! It won’t be abandoned, though, because I’m not the only one figuring out plot stuff, so since I have people to help me with plot and lore it will definitely get finished. If I haven’t published the second parts to the other stories, don’t worry because those are being worked on as well!
> 
> Thank you for reading, everybody, I really appreciate it!


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